Sweenie for President
Campaign Slogan: "Make America Argue Again."
Also: "Vote Sweenie: Because You Deserve a President Who Clears His Throat First."
Campaign Slogan: "Make America Argue Again."
Also: "Vote Sweenie: Because You Deserve a President Who Clears His Throat First."
Patrick Sweenie is the kind of candidate who clears his throat before every sentence—not because he’s nervous, but because he wants you to brace yourself for the truth. A man of conviction, confusion, and a suspicious number of Tarantino quotes, Sweenie is here to lead America into a new era of bold ideas and even bolder lunch orders.
Whether quoting Pulp Fiction during budget meetings or reenacting Kill Bill at town halls, Sweenie brings Hollywood flair to the political arena. His photographic memory means he never forgets a face—or a grudge.
A devout man of faith, Sweenie believes in traditional values: hard work, Sunday service, and never trusting a man who doesn’t like pie. He’s a proud supporter of AIPAC, and if you’d like to donate to his campaign (or his hummus habit), check out the Donor Page.
He’s fiscally conservative—he once audited his own birthday party—but socially liberal on select issues, like universal access to buffalo wings and mandatory karaoke in schools.
Sweenie has a beautiful wife who’s legally obligated to attend his campaign events, and a family that’s mostly onboard with his presidential ambitions. His brother-in-law? Let’s just say if love were a campaign issue, he’d already be president.
When he’s not campaigning, Sweenie is on a mission to eat at every local food joint in America. From clam shacks in Maine to taco trucks in Tucson, he believes the soul of this nation lives in its grease-stained napkins.
Want to reach the campaign? Send us an email at info@patsweenie.com
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